i hate myself, tonight.

it rly sucks when you did sth wrong and then.. someone damn important to you is angry with you. it sucks to the core and it's like once in a zillion years that it happened to me.

i am actually afraid you'll hate me for life. i tried to save the problem but it seem that it dont work the way i thought it'll. we're on different stands. so different that.... i tried to put myself in your shoes. i know i'll hate that idiot if i'm in your shoes.

... like srly.
and well, i dont actually mind if you hate me. go ahead it's your choice.

because that idiot is me.. because it's the first time i actually make a stupid step. i tried so hard to save everything but first time i see so much anger in your eyes. i am afraid you know. never had i been so afraid before. never had i.. even if i did the stupdiest thing at work, i wasnt that afraid before.

never had i been that afraid that someone will ignore me.

ha. first time i actually wish that i've ways to solve it right away but well.. i'm not a magician. think before you do anything is the lesson i learnt today.

whatever i said is not to make myself less guilty but just i dont know what else to say.

fuck my foolishness.

for the zillion time, i am sorrrry. but no amount of sorry is being accepted, yet.